i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
