God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
