And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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