it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
