Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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