Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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