That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
