does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
