Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize