I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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