sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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