Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
