I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
