i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Randomize
