can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
nutella sex= disaster
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
