You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Boobs are out for the taking
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
