ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
