I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
