i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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