i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
