even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
