I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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