:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
