I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
