I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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