My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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