Screwed.edu
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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