3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
be right there i have to get my cape
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
