new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
