he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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