Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
