There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
