PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
