You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize