I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
