is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
