if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
