Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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