the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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