After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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