He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
