dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize