We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
