Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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