His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
