It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He did a backflip because drugs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
