If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
