I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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