Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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