yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
