I smell stomach acid.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
