He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize