I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
