who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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