he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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