My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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