one might say we're banned from that church
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
