You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
