we have officially lost it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
