Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
