hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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