the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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