My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
