Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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