The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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