actually, I'm a sock model
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just forgot I was standing up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
