what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
