We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
