uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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