Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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