wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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