There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
