Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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