wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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