my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
